How it felt during the earthquake
This is a picture I found on a bus while I was in Singapore. It, for me, summarized how I felt during the earthquake – shaken up and disoriented. We, in Tokyo, are very blessed in that all that happened to us was this intense shaking. Compared to the people in Northern part of Japan , we are, indeed lucky. However, this is not to minimize the emotional and mental trauma we all went through.
When the earthquake struck, none of us realized how serious it was. Shaking is part of life in Tokyo (and most of Japan), and the most common topic of discussion is not the weather, but whether we felt the tremor that went through. However, after this earthquake, things have become solemn and subdued. Quite a few foreigners left soon after the earthquake and the nuclear plant situation has not helped either. For those of us who have chosen to stay, we still feel a little ‘jolt to the heart’ every time a tremor or earthquake passes through. None of us have reached the level of ease to joke about it as we did before March 11. The aftershocks continued for a quite a while. We still get them, but not as often, and not as strong.
My trip to Singapore was already planned for my school spring break. After the earthquake, I had an opportunity to extend it a bit. It was good for me, I now realize, that I needed this escape to heal. It was while I was there that I became aware of how much the events had affected me. For the first two days, I felt the ground shaking (even though it was not) and by the third day I was much better. On returning to Tokyo, I realized that a lot of people also felt that the earth was shaking, when it was not. This made me aware of how much we had been affected emotionally and mentally. It was at this point that I questioned my mortality in a profound way.
One of the consequences of questioning one’s mortality, I believe, is beginning to start looking at life lived so far and what has been accomplished. A lot of people begin to question whether their life has been purposeful or fulfilling. Some people often use the statement, “This is not where I thought I would be,” or “How did I get here?” There are others who feel that they still have so much to accomplish. In other words, we were all given a strong reminder that life can change suddenly and completely. It is a scary situation to be in, I feel. A lot of us go to bed expecting everything to be the same the next day and the day after. Somewhere, at the back of our brains, we may know that life is in a constant change, but how many of us live our lives believing that? Oliver Wendell Holmes said, “The human mind once stretched by new ideas never goes back to its original dimensions”. So, for those of us who were ’shaken’, an awareness settled into our being that ‘shook’ us out of our comfort zone, and we now realize that life can never be what it was.
Talking to some of the people, it seems that most regrets are based on things not done, roads not traveled, choices not made. It is interesting that most of the people did not talk about what they have accomplished or already acquired. This got me thinking about how our minds function. At the end of any time, with the nature of life, there will always be things not accomplished or acquired. What propels most people in this insatiable quest for just one more challenge, one more push, one more…? So, how do we lead our lives so that these regrets are something we have made peace with? Are they something we can make peace with?
Each day we are presented with choices, from small ones (like what to wear) to larger ones (like changing careers, homes). Some people spend a lot of time weighing the consequences before deciding, others go with their ‘gut feelings’; some ask for advice and yet others just can not make a decision. I believe that when choices are weighed and then made for the right reasons, it is easier for the heart and soul. However, when choices are forced or made without taking personal stock, the person constantly ‘second guesses’ him/herself. We all know people who are always cautious, who ‘play it safe’, who plan everything out, as well as people who throw caution ‘to the wind’ and just follow their hearts. Where do you fall in this scale? What regrets do you have? What would you like to accomplish before your world is all ‘shaken up’?
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” M. Twain
